pamelabrkly

2006-11-27T16:28:00.000-08:00

Fat and Proud?

I'm not sure how I feel about fat studies. I'm all for dismantling the ridiculous discrimination people face just because they're fat, and I'm all for questioning the cultural panic over obesity when it starts to make fat people look like bad people, but I have a hard time taking fat studies scholars seriously if they insist that being very overweight doesn't hurt their health.

I think the right message about fat is that it's a health concern and nothing more, and we shouldn't discriminate against people who are overweight anymore than we would discriminate against a person who has asthma. People who are fat ought to enjoy feelings of self-worth and be appreciated for their many capabilities. And I think the medical community can still talk about the real health consequences of obesity without adding to the body-image-as-identity nightmare. Fat studies scholars ought to be working with medical researchers who study fat to help them avoid reinforcing negative stereotypes, instead of just writing them off.

2006-11-22T10:55:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving! (Yes, that's right, I don't eat meat.)

Although I'm never the one to bring it up, Thanksgiving is usually my busiest day for explaining to others why I'm a vegan. Best case scenario: my veganism is a good conversation starter. Worst case scenario: I have to defend my choice, because for some reason I can't understand, some people are deeply offended by my decision

to reach for the tofurky.

This year, I'm going to prepare for the "yes, that's right, I'm a vegan" conversation by compiling some resources to will help other people understand my food choices. And what better vehicle for compiling my reasons than my little blog?

First, a cool new site that proves a vegan diet can be fun and yummy! I found A Vegan Ice Cream Paradise a few weeks ago and the recipes look great! No, I haven't tried making any of the desserts yet, but I swear I'm going to! Or if don't, I know I can count Mr. Boyfriend to make them! (subtle, eh?)

As to why I'm a vegan, ugh, it's a long conversation...and while my views on compassion and the importance of reducing suffering in the world are totally private and self-focused, they seem to offend so many people, which is insanely frustrating to me. Surprisingly, some of the people most offended are those who share my compassion for the world--my theory is that Dudley Do-Right types can't stand to be outdone in their efforts to do good. I'll admit I don't have much sympathy for vegan-haters who are secretly wracked with guilt, because really, there's any easy solution to their problem.

Anywho, Agnes L., over at A Vegan Ice Cream Paradise (in the comments thread of her "Noteworthy?" post) has boiled her reason down to a few sentences and I think her logic is pretty similar to that of other vegans:

Animals raised for food (whether for meat, milk, or eggs) suffer tremendously. We do not need to eat animal products to be healthy. Therefore, this suffering is unnecessary. Causing unnecessary suffering is unethical.

I might add that it doesn't matter if animals are inferior to humans (and I agree that humans are unquestionably superior to animals). It's their capacity to suffer--not their self awareness or their ability to do multi-variable calculus--that makes it wrong to make them hurt for no good reason. And yummy is not a good reason. Finding a cure for cancer, for example, would be a good reason.

"Well, maybe that's what you believe, but what about my right to eat animals," you say? I'd say it's your right. Just like it's your right to practice a different religion and still expect a li'l tolerance.*

Now, on to cuter things, this is also why I'm a vegan: Meet Hildy! She's the turkey up top there. She's cute! And she's happy, and no one's going to eat her tomorrow. Maybe, just maybe, she's also a little bit happy because I adopted her. (I'm really trying, and failing, to resist the urge to anthropomorphize.) Anyway, adopting Hildy is how I will "do turkey" this Thanksgiving, and you can adopt a turkey too!

Happy holidays, kids. Try your best to enjoy your families because nothing lasts forever, have a moment of silence to remember that this is ultimately a holiday celebrating the beginning of our national policy to stick it to Native Americans, and please, be nice to the vegans. After all, we brushed out our dreds, shaved and showered, and fretted about burning gasoline just so we could travel all that way to spend Thanksgiving with you.

*Disclaimer: Not suggesting veganism and religion are them same here folks, just suggesting we already know how to do tolerance for religion, so clearly we can do tolerance for something as simple as tofu.

2006-11-11T20:15:00.001-08:00

We’ve only just begun

This November 07 Election Day was a huge moment for Democrats. I’ve heard over and over again from Political Science types that all politics are local and it’s rare for one issue to generate a national momentum that an entire party can ride to victory--so it’s telling that the Bush administration’s refusal to take responsibility for the Iraq War was enough to generate the national discontent that killed the Republicans in this election.

But word to Tommy D., this wasn’t a Republican loss, it was a Democratic victory, and this victory was about Iraq. It was also proof that it can take more than one election cycle to win on issues. Kerry didn’t take the lead on exiting Iraq like he should have in the 2004 election, but our brighter Congresswomen and men, community leaders, and friendly neighborhood Democrats have been talking about the Bush administration’s failure in Iraq for years. And it’s taken that long to convince our friends and neighbors that Iraq was a mistake. It’s hard to admit to being wrong, and for a lot Americans who initially supported the war in Iraq, that’s exactly what this election was—an admission that they’d been duped and that Democrats can offer the leadership we need to get out of a mess that President Bush led us into.

It took years of repeating the same message before we changed American hearts and minds about the war in Iraq, but it worked, and now that the nation is listening to Democrats, we need to keep talking and we need to do it with one voice. The election may have been about Iraq, but people are going to keep listening if Democrats prove we can ease the squeeze on working Americans. So let’s let Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid set an agenda, and let them lead. God willing, they’ll set an agenda to focus on economic populist issues that are sure to unite Democrats, and avoid the ones that can tear us apart.

And the same goes for the newly elected members of Congress and the Senate—there’s no need for a war about abortion. Hey New Kids on the Block, make it clear the new Democratic leadership needs to protect you against floor votes on tough issues sure to tick off your districts, and then do your part to avoid bringing up issues like gun control and abortion.

“And what about me, what can I do?” sayeth my momma and the other five people who read this blog? Well, exactly the same. Take a little break, enjoy your weekend, have a beer, and get back to it. Focus on the issues we can all agree on, and build the grassroots. Keep going to club meetings, invite new friends to go with you, talk to people who still need convincing, stay on message, and stay positive. Although it may be the hundredth time you’ve said the same thing about jobs or social security or getting our young women and men the heck out of Iraq, it could still be the first time the person you’re talking to has heard it. Who knows, you could be the reason a person changes their mind.

2006-11-11T19:54:00.000-08:00

Squuueeeee!!

At the request of a UC Davis scholar, I'm finally back, fresh and glowing from the successes of our mid-term elections!

Not only did Democrats take back both houses of Congress, but I get to celebrate some local victories close to my own heart!!

Debra Bowen is the new Secretary of State in California! Finally, we can all rest assured that our vote is going to be counted as it was cast and that someone is going to hold county registrars responsible for making sure every registered voter gets to cast a ballot on election day!!

Jerry McNerney beat 7-term incumbent Richard Pombo in CD-11! Not only does this kick a big-oil bad-guy out of Congress, but it replaces him with a really good guy. I mean, who doesn't love wind energy, the jobs created by clean energy, and the earnesty and seriousness of a man who's son is serving in the military?

Abel Guillen is the newest member of the Peralta Community College Board (Oakland), and he's going to make sure the new bond money is spent on students, teachers, and staff!!

So many great victories! It feels so good, at last, to see the good women and men win!!

2006-09-14T22:02:00.000-07:00

So Much to Say

My job was a mad race to the end of August. As soon as I slowed down my body protested having been denied so much sleep by offering shelter to the meanest cold I've ever had. I tried to tough it out and go camping with Mr. boyfriend and family and I even joined everyone for a long day of rafting, but this proved to be a stupid move. This should-have-been vacation made me so sick I thought I had mono and it's taken me 14 days to get back up to speed.

I stupidly bait chance by playing in the river while I'm sick.

At least everyone else had a good time. Well, except for the near-drowning incident and the poison oak. Boyfriend is related to all but two of these people. Can you guess which two?

Although I haven't had the energy to post, I've thought about it a lot. Here I provide, for your reading pleasure, a brief summary of thoughts which were worthy of a post but got cheated by my exhaustion:

Condoleeza Rice should not be grist for the gossip mill. Her allegiance to a President who thinks yee-haw! is a good foreign relations policy should be her only action making the front page of the Times.

If you've received the latest chain email warning young women to fear public bars please don't forward it to me. I'm against rape, and I'm all for educating women about the risk that some asshole might slip something in their drink, but telling women to make sure they have a man around who can watch out for his girls is crap. I can watch out for myself, or women can watch out for each other, and we'll be just fine frequenting public places on our own. Thanks.

It's fashion week!! I love fashion, and I love that volume has been in for a few seasons. Real women look good in ample cuts and draped fabric, and I get the feeling this fashion decade is going to end well even for those who aren't in New York this week.*

I finally have a reason to watch TV: The Office. This show is so good. The few other shows I appreciate are fun, but they're fake. I watch West Wing and Sex in the City because the characters represent my own imaginary life in an impossibly dynamic and engaging world where every word is perfectly scripted and no one ever burps. I bet most people like these shows for the same reason. But the office is so real, and it speaks to my own life, and this makes the show alive. I can't believe I'm so impressed with a TV show. I've only seen one episode, but I love it, and I can tell you Pam should dump her boyfriend and date her friend. If that Pam doesn't, by God, this Pam will.

*Yes, fashion is a tool of the patriarchy, but it doesn't have to be and I want it back. So I'm taking it back (carefully) by celebrating clothes that work for real women. I realize this is dangerous for my own development, but I trust myself not to fall into the trap of feeling empowerful.

2006-08-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

On the floor

Last Thursday, the Senate passed a resolution thanking each Senate Fellow for our service. What did I get in exchange for working for peanuts for a year? A resolution that only the Senate Rules committee can request, and it was worth it! The experience that I gained this year was priceless, and really was well worth a year of low pay. I walked in with a passion for public policy, and I'm ending the year with a fledgling career. Not bad.

2006-08-16T20:25:00.000-07:00

San Dee-aaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy-goooooohhhh!

We spent Sunday in San Diego with my folks.

...and we went to the beach!! Missing the beach is the worst thing about living in Northern California.

2006-08-14T23:18:00.000-07:00

Mmmmm-mmmmm Tofu!

Devin and I spent the weekend in Southern California. What a fantastic mini-vacation our trip turned out to be!

Here I am with a few of the dishes we sampled at the Los Angeles Tofu Festival in Little Tokyo. We had strawberries with tofu whipped "cream," tofu pate, bar-b-que tofu, and soy chorizo.

We bought an autographed copy of a cookbook written by Ann Gentry, founder of the Real Food Daily restaurants and vegan-organic chef extraordinaire. To celebrate our find, we had dinner that evening at her restaurant in Santa Monica.

2006-08-07T20:44:00.000-07:00

Ahem.

Hi. You may think I don't know you, but I know you read my little blog. It's cool, 'cause I put this stuff up here for people to read, people like my family and friends and people I wish to keep in touch with. My friendship is pretty all-inclusive, and I'd be delighted if you'd like to be considered as someone should keep in touch with, even if you're someone new.

I don't post, however, for the benefit of people who don't like me. So if that's you (and you know who you are, and I know who you are), I'd really appreciate if you just left me alone. I know my opinions are pretty darn interesting, but if you don't like me, wouldn't you at least like to pretend you have something better to do? Thanks.

2006-08-04T17:58:00.000-07:00

Oh grow up.

Because, you know, like, I totally have a right to contribute nothing to society and like, suck off of my parents until I'm 30, yeah. Because like, how is a girl supposed to find herself if she can't blow her twenties wearing overpriced clothes and drinking overpriced cosmos?

This life is just one more bit of evidence that post-feminists are, like, a joke.

2006-07-20T10:10:00.000-07:00

War Crimes in Lebanon

As of this posting almost 300 people have been killed in Lebanon, and nearly all of them are civilians. An article on the front page of the New York Times quotes a U.N. official who's concerned these acts of violence and terror could amount to war crimes.

Sounding an alarm about humanitarian conditions in southern Lebanon - where Israeli bombs, rockets and shells have pounded villages, roads and bridges, where much of the population has fled and where supplies are running short - the United Nations high commissioner for human rights, Louise Arbour, said the fighting might amount to war crimes.
"The scale of the killings in the region, and their predictability, could engage the personal criminal responsibility of those involved, particularly those in a position of command and control," she said. Ms. Arbour is a former war crimes prosecutor.

There is no mistaking this as anything other than a human rights disaster and still our national leadership will do nothing to stop it. In fact, U.S. leaders are going to turn their backs on thousands of innocent men, women and children, and give another nation a freebie week to carry out unspeakable violence.

This is such a double standard. The international community would never allow other countries in the region to mercilessly kill hundreds of civilians. Never.

I'm sick. I'm absolutely sickened that this is happening and no one is doing a damn thing to stop it. I'm also terrified that it's going to get worse. What's going to happen when wealthy western countries have evacuated all of their citizens? Will it be an open invitation to destroy southern Lebanon?

2006-07-09T15:13:00.000-07:00

Birth control--not just for humans.

I've noticed that not very many pets are spayed or neutered in Sacramento, which I hate. On the whole, I would guess that people in Sacramento have fewer resources, both in terms of education and actual wealth, than people in the coastal urban regions of California, so I'm not suprised that people in Sac spend less money caring for their pets. I'm annoyed because I think it's not just that people can't afford to spay or neuter--I also think there's different attitude in Sac about spaying and neutering. I get the feeling more people think they have the right to own a pet who sows it seed all over the neighborhood, even if it means they're contributing to an abundance of unwanted and neglected animals that will ultimately be killed because nobody wants them. I can't stand this attitude. No one accidentally gets a pet, so there's really no excuse for being an irresponsible pet owner. Spay and neuter your pets!!!

2006-07-09T15:08:00.000-07:00

Generations

This article is interesting in it’s own right, but look at the time between each generation: a woman had her son when she was 16, her son's daughter was born when he was 19, and this daughter had a baby when she was 17. In the time it has taken this family to produce 4 generations, my family has only produced two.

All judgement aside, it’s amazing how diverse this nation is and how different people’s lives are in different parts of the country.

2006-06-28T00:20:00.000-07:00

Super Exciting News!

Yay yay yay! D got a job in Sacramento. It's a really great job, and he gets to be up here with me! I'm so happy! I've been waiting for him to be able to come up to Sacramento for almost an entire year and I've really missed him. Although I'm still not crazy about the cow-town, I like it much better if I'm not stuck here alone.

2006-06-27T23:44:00.000-07:00

Budget

The Senate passed a budget tonight. Having extra revenue this year has made the whole process less contentious since there's enough money to cover everything that's important to the members. I left when the Senate finished, so I'm not sure if the Assembly came up with anything. If they did, this could be the first time in six years that the legislature has passed a budget before the end of the fiscal year.

One of my co-workers was really surprised that most of the legislators aren't more involved in the budget process, or that the budget bills don't generate more debate. She's worked for the Washington state legislature, where participating in passing a budget is one of the most important things a member works on each session. I bet this is because the Washington legislature controls their entire state budget. It's too bad the California legislature doesn't have the same discretion. I think not having the power to control the entire state budget is one of the most serious challenges facing the legislature.

One of the bills I'm staffing was defeated in committee today. I know the bill was facing a lot of challenges and I've been prepared to see it get defeated, but I didn't think this particular committee would be the place so I was really pretty startled when so many Dem members just abstained. We took amendments to satisfy everyone's concerns so I was really surprised when the chair lifted the call on the bill and every one of the members who hadn't voted before just sat there and abstained. Ahhh.

So this a pretty long day with a lot of suspense, a lot of hurry up and wait, and just pretty anti-climatic.

2006-06-22T23:35:00.000-07:00

Damn.

I hurt again.

I like to tell people that I don't get sick very often, usually when I'm bragging about the health benefits of a vegan diet. But I do get sick a lot--just not with the flu or a cold or all of the other upper respiratory infections that seem to plague everyone else I know.

I understand why everyone who's not young and strong and strapping talks about having your health like it's some fabulous asset. I really think feeling healthy is hard to appreciate until you're sick. I really only feel well like half of the time, but as soon as I feel better, I forget about how serious a problem it really is to be sick.

Right now, I'm starting to feel crappy again, and once again I'm seriously frustrated and worried and scared about how often I get bladder infections. What's worse, it's hard to get the sympathy--and the appropriate excuses--that come with being sick because it's inappropriate to talk about my bladder. If I have the flu it's no problem. I can tell my boss what's going on and everyone will understand why I'm not at work. But talking about my bladder is awkward, and at the same time, I feel like I have to explain what's going on because I don't want it to look like I'm constantly disappearing from the office without good reason. By the time I make the tenth trip to the pharmacy or to see my doctor in a short period of time, I feel like I've got some explaining to do.

Although only a small number of people read my little blog, I still feel embarrassed to post on a potentially public place about my recurring bladder infections. I'm doing it anyway because I know this is a dangerous and incredibly painful problem that happens to other women and I want to bring it up wherever I can. While I'm still frightened about it, I feel less alone, confused, and frustrated since I've met another woman who has the same problem, who has to deal with the sickness from taking antibiotics strong enough to cure a horse, and who deals with the general nausea from taking lower doses of antibiotics every single day for the rest of her life, who makes the decision to cut way back on several of the basic joys that really make adult life good and hopes other people can understand, and then still wakes up in the middle of the night in searing pain.

Here's hoping this one doesn't get bad and clears up fast, and I'm saying a little prayer that this isn't *the one* that has finally become resistant to every antibiotic that exists. I've been warned that it may come, and my doctor won't even tell me what happens then.

2006-06-18T22:23:00.000-07:00

February 4th, 2006

was my 24th birthday. It was also the day Betty Friedan died. Somehow, I was so wrapped up in my own life that I missed it. In my defense, there wasn't much news coverage of her death, even on the feminist news sites I frequent.

She was one of my favorite feminists because above all, she was true to herself. She shared what was on her mind when she wrote The Feminine Mystique and it just so happened that she spoke for a generation. She also said things that angered and aliented a lot of other important feminists and everyone wondered why she could dare go against the movement, but she was just being true to her own character and speaking with the same courage that was so often admired.

Betty Friedan was tenacious and honest, even if she wasn't always right. I won't always be right either, but I hope can always be like her.

2006-06-17T14:06:00.000-07:00

Camping in Santa Cruz Mountains
at Big Basin State Park

2006-05-15T20:18:00.000-07:00

and what about the Northern border?

Shouldn't we worry about where terrorists come from at least as much as we worry about where laborers come from?

Obviously, I can't say I was satisfied with the President's five part plan, but I didn't catch any news today so I went in braced for something cruel. Considering the man doing the deciding, the decision could have been a lot worse. Part One was clearly the bone he had to throw to the Michelle Malkins of the country--he likes to pretend he's a Texan and he did sort of govern the state, which means even he can't believe anything short of paying the national guard to stand arm to arm across the southern border is really going blockade against immigrants.

In other news, after years of schleping dishes, running errands for Hollywood ickies who thought I was dumpy, putting up and tearing down sales booths, and other crappy manual labor and service work, this is officially my worst day at work, ever. I've never had things go so badly at a job I actually care about. I am so frustrated on so many levels. *seething*

2006-05-14T23:46:00.000-07:00

The other bad-guys

The story broke just this week, and we've already forgotten about who collected our domestic calling records for the NSA. We've all got our eyes fixed on Michael Hayden and a corrupt administration--and for good reason--but we can't forget their other half. Big corporations were collecting this information, and they'll keep doing it. Personal customer information is an asset in industries like insurance, communications, and banking, and this administration lets them keep it and use it because they can't collect information like this and they want it too.

We can pass laws to protect personal information, but there will always be a new back door we're missing. If it's privacy we want, we've got to start limiting the personal information that gets kept by companies who have no interest in protecting us from the government or ID theft.

2006-05-09T19:50:00.000-07:00

Aaaahhhh....

A season to rest.

2006-04-30T19:41:00.000-07:00

Standing up for what’s right

Hi. I don't know you, but you read my little blog. It's cool, 'cause I put this stuff up here for people to read, people like my family and friends and people I wish to keep in touch with. My friendship is pretty all-inclusive, and I'd be delighted if you'd like to be considered as someone I should keep in touch with, even if you're someone new.

I don't post, however, for the benefit of people who don't like me. So if that's you (and you know who you are, and I know who you are), I'd really appreciate if you just left me alone. I know my opinions are pretty darn interesting, but wouldn't you at least like to pretend you have something better to do? Thanks.

2006-04-20T02:06:00.000-07:00

Whew

The final bill that I am staffing made it out of one policy committee today. The bill is double-referred, so we're not in the clear yet, but OMG, I can't believe that it survived today. The Senator presented the bill by announcing that we were completely amending the whole thing but didn't actually have the language yet. I immediately began freaking out because I didn't have anything prepared for her if we weren't presenting the bill as it was, but the other Senators accepted the bill in concept, which I was told may never happen again in may career as a staffer. I think maybe the Senators were distracted by the six foot colonoscope being passed around the dais (the bill is about colonoscopies).

So, that worked, and I'm relieved.

I'm just hanging in there with my campaign. Two weeks to go...with tons of interesting stories to tell (no, really) but no time to think about where I've been.

2006-03-29T18:57:00.000-08:00

2-0

SB 1528, which I am staffing, moved out of Senate Health Committee today on a bipartisan 7-0 vote. That's right, 7 ayes, 0 noes. In the days leading up to this, I thought the was going to face some serious opposition and that the Senator would even have to answer some tough questions from the bill's supporters before it could move out of committee. I had a stressful couple of days. I guess there's nothing like being over-prepared.

I think the Senators in the committee were pretty tired out after having a long debate about abortion that grew out of an abortion-consent bill that didn't make it out of committee. I think that helped.

2006-03-27T19:09:00.001-08:00

I'm tired and I don't even have a title for this post
I guess I'm never too tired for an opinion.

A couple of weeks ago, the Senate Fellows stopped getting along so well. We had a heated conversation about calling people illegal aliens. Most of the progressives conceded that it's debatable whether or not the term is as xenophobic as other vicious racial slurs. I think we were pretty reasonable. A couple of people pointed out that illegal immigrant is a better term that still accurately portrays a specific type of immigration as illegal. They said that calling people undocumented immigrants hides the fact that they have committed a statutory crime. While I don't agree, I can see their point.

A couple of the other fellows descended into a fit about their right to say whatever they want to in seminar. Since this is their place of learning, they have a right to call people illegal aliens, and we have to understand that they can say whatever they want and we can't judge them. I almost expected someone to chant the snotty reprise that we all thought so cool when we were like twelve: "God gave me a mouth and I intend to use it however I want." I don't think that they listened to me or to anyone else when a number of us said that the terms hurts our feelings. I said that everyone gets a first chance with me because everyone has to learn good manners somewhere and I don't mind being a teacher. I also said that I can try not to judge, but if you know that something hurts my feelings and you choose to say it over and over again, well, then good luck to you in keeping my respect.

I thought, again, about how surprised I was to learn that some of the best and brightest could choose to be so hurtful when I read this article today. I know a barbarous border security bill was passed by the house in December, and I was heartened to see a few more humane ideas come out of the Senate. I don't know a lot about Senator Durbin, but I am always impressed with him when he makes the news.

I just realized that I compared California Senate Fellows to U.S. Senators. Are we just as good? After paying attention to the vitriolic junk that dribbles out the mouths of those on the radical right, I would say we're a whole lot better than some of them.

2006-03-25T14:58:00.000-08:00

Longest Wednesday Ever

On Wednesday morning, one of the bills that I'm staffing was heard in Senate Education. I didn't expect much opposition and I didn't have to prepare any amendments, but I still had a good deal of work to do to prepare the Senator to speak about the bill. We also weren't sure she could be there, so I also had to brief another Senator who was going to present the bill for us if she couldn't make it. The bill made it out of committee on a bipartisan 7-2 vote, no thanks to a Democratic Senator who spontaneously decided that she didn't like the bill even though her staff recommended an aye vote. For the few brief minutes while she questioned the bill, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Other than that, the hearing went smoothly and the witnesses were great. I breathed a big sigh of relief after spending the better part of the week scrambling to prepare for the hearing.

I spent the rest of the day pretty busy meeting with lobbyists and others who are giving me a hard time about another bill that I'm staffing. I left the office right at five to head to the airport and flew down to L.A. so I could meet with the USC Dems. They are a really enthusiastic group and pretty supportive of my campaign, so it was a comfortable meeting to attend. I thought the USC meeting was great end to a long, successful day. Unfortunately, I spend the next four hours of the evening on the phone dealing with frustrating internal campaign drama. Competitive elections are so important, but I just hope that I can keep things positive and make sure that people feel as good about the process as they do about the outcome.

It's easy to imagine that after I spent a few hours chatting at a friends house instead of sleeping, and then caught a 3am shuttle for my 6am flight back to Sacramento, I was totally exhausted all day on Thursday. Good thing I didn't have any meetings that day, because I know I looked pretty haggard.

So, yeah, my schedule is pretty ridiculous. I've had to move the part in my hair to hide the three white hairs that I've recently sprouted, but other than that, I'm still feeling good.

2006-03-14T22:59:00.000-08:00

"We're going to oppose your bill."

The proper etiquette for responding to such a comment includes smiling, asking polite questions without devulging anything that one should not yet divulge, and ushering one's unanticipated guests out the door. Um, yes, pleasant weather we're having, thanks for dropping by to let me know that you're going to try to destroy what I'm working on.

Lobbyists do not take it easy on the new kid. I'm the new kid. As far as they care, I'm no kid. Today it occured to me that moving bills through the legislature is an immense responsibility. This had never occured to me because everyone around me is doing the same thing.

I came home to face a long night on the phone. All good people to talk to, but I'm sure there has to be some repetetive stress injury caused by flapping ones jaws as much as I do lately. Can't wait to 1) Win and get down to some real work. 2) I'm not going to think about what happens in option two, but with fewer responsibilities, I think I'll have time for a great vacation.

2006-03-12T19:24:00.000-08:00

Busy Month
Where have I been over the past month? Chico, Oakland, Philadelphia, San Jose, San Francisco, and I've been to most of these places several times. I think it would be easier to list where I haven't been.

I'm running for CYD president, and between now and April 28th, if I'm not at work, I'm on the road or on the phone. I'm meeting so many amazing and inspiring young people, but it's hard because my opponent has already started engaging in really negative campaigning. I've already been threatened that if I keep this up, I'll never be able to find a job in the building again. Such horrible, threatening, negative behavior is exactly what CYD doesn't need, and I'm running to bring inclusiveness and professionalism to the organization. There are a lot of great people behind me, and I'm totally fired up.

My job continues to be amazing, and it's turning into a place of respite because I get to focus on something other than my campaign. The fact that I mentioned the campaign first makes it look like the only thing on my mind, but my job is my top priority and I actually have no problem balancing both efforts. Leg. staffers must not use state resources for anything related to YD or other campaign efforts, so it's really easy for me to focus on working while I'm at work. Speaking of campaign efforts, my boss just picked up a crucial endorsement this week, so (fingers crossed) she is in a great place to win her primary!!

A new opportunity has opened up for me at work. A member of my boss's staff just moved on to a great new job, and she carried most of the Senator's health legislation. I've really developed an interest in health and family issues since I've been in the capitol, and my leg. director and COS let me take 2 of her health bills. So I'm now carrying health bills for the Senator! The best part is that one deals with the insurance industry and one deals with Medi-Cal, so I get experience in working with both.

That's all that I have time to write, as I have a campaign to get back to.

Goodnight.

2006-02-13T16:31:00.000-08:00

Playing Hookie

California legislative staffers don't work on Lincoln's birthday, but just about everyone else does. So I'm trying to enjoy the Monday of a three-day weekend, but it's hard because no one else has the day off. I feel like I'm ditching work, which I can't stand and never, ever do.

Damn protestant work ethic. I can't even relax on the day that I'm supposed to take off. How appropriate to be obsessive in the memory of Lincoln.

Uh, happy birthday to a fellow aquarian and a far more obsessive, worried guy whose oddness drove him to greatness.

2006-02-09T19:48:00.000-08:00

So sad

The Sacramento library is great, and a total life-saver until I have home internet access again.

The trip here was not so great. I watched two women scream and cuss, across a busy intersection, about who was going to get custody of a baby. I'm guessing: loser of a mother, 19 tops, vs. a protective older sister or even grandma with nothing else in her life. They had this vicious, public fight while one of them WAS HOLDING THE BABY.

Poor baby. Talk about getting dealt an unfair hand in life.

2006-02-09T19:31:00.000-08:00

A Time To Run

I just finished Senator Barbara Boxer's first novel, A Time To Run. The beginning was slow and the writing was a little awkward, but everything smoothed out as the story picked up. Overall, its an impressive product considering fiction is not Boxer's day job. The plot was a little steamy and the book was filled with details only experienced by a true insider, like the heroine's hands aching after too many firm hand-shakes.

A Time To Run was clearly Boxer's opportunity capture the personal, private side of politics and share them with her readers without revealing too much about her own life.

A fun, easy read.

2006-02-01T09:35:00.000-08:00

State of the Union Democratic Response??

Tim Kaine:

Are you asking me if we can do better, or are you telling me? Seriously, I have better public speaking skills. If your speaking skills are all that it takes to be elected governor in Virginia, I'm headed out there to run next.

Commentators are criticizing the content of his response as too passive. I say it was all in the delivery. Try, "America can do better!!" on for size.

P.S., loving my second quiet morning in this hotel...and the opportunity it affords me to dump my opinions out for the three people who read this blog.

2006-01-31T20:42:00.000-08:00

Where were they??!!

Today, Samuel Alito was sworn in as the 110th justice of the Supreme Court. Where were our Senators when this happened? Only 25 were willing to support a filibuster to block his nomination. If I remember correctly, the plan was to confirm Roberts so that opposition to Bush's next nominee--who it was predicted would be far scarier than Roberts--wouldn't seem unreasonable. I believed this plan. I told people, no, it's okay, accepting Roberts is part of a strategy. There was no strategy, and I was an idiot for believing in one.

Shame on the Democrats who wouldn't support a filibuster, and shame on the reasonable Republicans who actually voted to confirm Alito. This guy is waaay outside the mainstream, and now we're stuck with him for the rest of his life.

When we needed leaders, so many of our Senators proved to be absolutely spineless.
I am sooo tired of missing real leadership in this country. Thanks, U.S. Senate, for running away when Americans were counting on you. In case you weren't paying attention to public opinion, we would have had your backs.

...and don't even talk to me about criticizing Alito as part of a unified Democratic message or whatever other stupid reaction you have planned. You missed your chance to act decisively, and as far as I'm concerned, we lost because of you.

Thanks to Senators Kerry and Kennedy for leading a filibuster. I, for one, am proud of you!!

2006-01-31T10:59:00.000-08:00

Tuesday Morning Quiet Time

I'm at the Sheraton Airport Hilton in Ontario, CA. I miss Devin and I miss my roommates and I miss both of the places that I try to think of as home. I've been traveling a lot between Sacramento and the Bay Area, and this is my second trip to the LA metro area in five days. I'm not complaining. Everywhere I go, there are people to love and friends to see and rewarding work to do and great progressive causes to support. But I do feel a little disjointed because my community is spread throughout the state and 'home' is increasingly hard to define. It doesn't help that I volunteer my personal time for political activities that I can't mention while I'm at work, and I work hard at a job that I shouldn't mention when I'm volunteering. How appropriate that I have finally found a moment of peace in a hotel room so far away from everyone. My room is clean and quiet, and for three hours this morning, I have no obligations to anyone.

I haven't blogged about anywhere I've been or anything I've done because I haven't had time to reflect on any of it. Since I've had a moment this morning to observe my life in the abstract, I can report the same conclusion that I've drawn during the month-long hustle that was January. I am busy.

This is the end of my quiet morning, and I'm off to the Claremont Colleges to recruit the next class of applicants to the Capitol Fellowship Programs. I feel pretty guilty doing this, since the vast majority of people who I encourage to apply will not make it into next year's class. (Most of the time, I can't believe that I got in.) I feel a little better by reminding myself that everyone deserves an opportunity to hear about the program.

Happy Tuesday.

2006-01-16T23:55:00.000-08:00

Weekend in Tahoe

The Senate Fellows spent our long weekend in Tahoe. We had planned to ski, but expensive rentals don't really figure into the Fellow stipend, so we took to the slopes with our trusty sleds. Fun, mayhem, and a few painful wipeouts ensued.

All tahoe photos.

2006-01-10T21:43:00.000-08:00

Bad Strategy

Doesn't the I.R.S. seek to recover unpaid taxes and prevent fraudulent refunds to increase federal revenues? It seems like the agency is going after the wrong guys. Despite the lack of real payoff, the biggest badest accountants in the land have been busy freezing refunds that are meant for low-income families.

Just who is responsible for setting I.R.S. priorities?

2006-01-10T21:26:00.000-08:00

Is privacy our winning issue?

Can Democrats unite the nation and win the hearts of voters with privacy as our top platform issue? In Friday's Altertnet, Cliff Schecter claims that we can.

The article isn't as compelling as it could be, but still offers an interesting--and important--idea about where we should pick our battles.

2006-01-07T17:13:00.000-08:00

State of the State

One of the great traditions of the Senate Fellowship is that Fellows are often given the one and only guest pass that each office receives to the (California) governor's state of the state address.

Watching the address live was great, because I was able to keep track of the things that the news didn't cover, like who clapped when and who wore what.

I also discovered that I can name nearly every person in the California legislature. This is either really sad and indicates that I don't have a life of my own, or sort of cool in an unbelievably nerdy way.

2006-01-05T19:29:00.000-08:00

City minimum wage is good for all

The U.C. Berkeley Institute of Industrial Relations released a study yesterday measuring the impact of San Francisco's minimum wage laws on the city's economy. It turns out that requiring city employers to pay workers a minimum of $8.50 an hour (as opposed to the California's $6.75 minimum wage) isn't hurting employment growth or spurring business closures in the city. Big surprise: Restaurant owners, who employ a large percentage of the city's more than 54,000 workers who earn the minimum wage, contest the validity of the study. They claim that the minimum wage has hurt business in the city by slightly raising the price of a meal at a restaurant.

Um, last time I checked, restaurant dining is not a basic necessity. That's why we tax it, and why it's a perfect commodity to absorb the cost of a fair wage for San Francisco's hardest working people.

2006-01-05T19:04:00.000-08:00

Lessons that will come too late for Jack Abramoff

1. Don't do anything that your mother wouldn't be proud of.

2. On your big day in court after you've been busted for taking advantage of people and abusing the democratic process, don't dress like a member of the mafia.

2006-01-02T15:49:00.000-08:00

Christmas above Temecula

I bought Devin a hot air balloon ride for Christmas. It turned out to be a bit of a bust, since we took our flight on a very foggy day. Still, it was fun to dangle in a rickety basket a thousand feet up. Other than that, we spent most of the holiday enjoying the company of family. Kimberly and Devin and I had fun playing in Mom's zany room full of costumes. I learned that Devin looks cute as a duck. Mom threw four rockin' holiday parties and proved that she is well on her way to being a skilled fundraiser for whatever good cause she supports, and Kim T. was a good sport about having to do a million errands before the party.

Dad showed us his favorite new hangouts in Escondido. Downtown has really changed since I moved away seven years ago. Where there used to be abandoned storefronts there are now cute, expensive little restaurants and coffee houses and spas. The economy of the entire city is really picking up and downtown is really cute, but I wonder where much of the former population of the city will go if Escondido turns into another one of the bland, gentrified neighborhoods that dominate the less well-thought-out parts of San Diego county. Anyway, dad likes the new coffee houses and he's good. Devin's parents drove down from the Bay Area, and we enjoyed Christmas Eve with his folks and his aunt at his brother's house in Long Beach. Last but not least, I got to spend a lot of time with Kimberly, and just as a little sister should, she bugged the heck out of me (hola Kim!) and that was Christmas.

2005-12-22T16:22:00.000-08:00

‘Twas an hour before closing…

and all through the Capitol, not a creature was stirring, except me.
The Assembly had a half day today, and many of the Senate offices closed early too. The building is eerily silent and while I was walking around on my lunch break I felt like I was in a weird dream where I am transported to the center of California government only to realize that no one is charge of the state.

It was particularly startling to walk into the empty halls from my buzzing office. We’re in here busily chipping away at next year’s bill ideas until five. I am learning that our work ethic has quite a reputation around here.

I don’t mind staying a bit longer than other staffers because I’m pretty excited about the bill ideas that I’m following. I have a number of initiatives that are on the cutting edge of privacy policy. I wish I could tell you about them, but they’re classified.

O.K. nothing is really classified, but I still shouldn’t post about what I’m working on.

After hours, I’ve been busy with mundane activities that eat up a lot of time: holiday shopping, GRE test preparation, regularly visiting my doctor to deal with a serious infection that makes me really exhausted and won’t go away.

My infection has really been the defining characteristic of my life for the past few weeks. If not working, shopping, or studying, I’ve been in bed. The bacteria that makes me sick has grown resistant to a number of antibiotics. I’m trying a third antibiotic now, and I think it may be working (fingers crossed). In January, I’m getting passed from the care of my doctor to an urologist who may understand why I get sick so often. Oh, I just can’t wait to find out what kind of unsavory procedures are common for urology patients.

So, I’ve had a mundane couple of weeks. Devin and I leave tonight for San Diego and L.A. and I hope that I feel well enough when I’m down there to engage in some holiday revelry that's worth writing about.

2005-12-13T00:15:00.000-08:00

Procrastination

I pushed my GRE test date back to December 30th because I am not ready to take it this weekend. The point of moving the date was to increase the amount of time that I have to study. Will this work? Probably not with me.

Since I moved my test date, I haven't picked up my study book. This, obviously, is not good. So I'm pledging to give up a few lazy habits until I take the test or until I'm sure I can score 800 on both sections (I'm guessing the test will come first).

I am officially renouncing all of my favorite things that are not more important than the GRE (just until I take the GRE anyway):

1. Watching King of the Hill
2. Developing new plans of attack in the hopeless battle to straighten my Half-fro
3. Making lists of music that I can only afford to buy later and will never really buy (you see I have a thing with lists.)
4. Tidying up my already-clean room (Neatfreak is not a nice thing to call anyone, I prefer neatnick, thank you.)
5. Talking to my fish (who only have 3 second memories and are incapable of really appreciating my attention anyway.)
6. Spending any more time on this weird, sad list.

Just for the record, I have real interests and hobbies that are far less pathetic than the past-times listed here. These are just the weird obsessions that don't improve the quality of my life and that I'm better off ditching until I have more time to waste.

2005-12-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

My California

I submitted my first bill to Leg. Counsel today. It isn't much worth mentioning, since the language had already been pulled together for me. Still, it's mine now. The next bill that I'm turning in will be a bigger challenge; I am responsible for preparing my own language to take to Leg. Counsel. This is exactly what I came here to learn to do, so, cool.

2005-12-05T21:04:00.000-08:00

2 pi r...

I'm taking the GRE in 14 days. Which means I have exactly 14 days to memorize everything that I need to measure odd shapes and make pointless comparisons. The GRE quantitative section is really just a measure of how well I can eyeball a question and utilize some quickly memorized trick to find an answer so no calculators are allowed. That's fine with me, but it seems like a pretty pointless measure of who will do well in graduate school.

Pointless or not, the GRE is the measure that gets used. I hope I can pull this off.

And 2 pi r is the circumference of a circle. Don't pretend you remembered that. I refuse to believe that anyone would.

2005-12-02T11:47:00.000-08:00

HIV/AIDS Day...

was yesterday. I'm being conscious a day late. I was disappointed to see that this very serious international health crisis didn't get much play in yesterday's news. The articles that I found focused on the growing population of Californians living with HIV/AIDS. As it turns out, much of this growth is attributable to new drugs that improve and prolong the lives of POS Californians.

That's good news for us, but the story isn't as promising for people living with HIV/AIDS in the rest of the world. This week, the Center for Health and Gender Equality (CHANGE) accused the Bush administration of actively undermining HIV prevention in Africa. The Bush Administration has already given Uganda 8 million dollars to implement the President's Emergency Plan for HIV/AIDS relief (PEPFAR), which advocates 'abstinence and faithfulness' as the ONLY methods of prevention. Condom promotion and distribution--the most effective method of fighting the spread--has dropped as desperate Ugandan health agencies have accepted PEPFAR funding.

Check out the website and the press release. I know a lot of people prefer to ignore Africa, but the Bush Administration's attitude about HIV/AIDS prevention doesn't end with AIDS and it doesn't end in Africa. This is just one more demonstration of the administration's willingness to enforce their own thoughtless agenda the cost of human life.

2005-12-01T22:13:00.000-08:00

Soul Food

Last night I went Salsa dancing with my fellow Fellows. It was so nice to get out with everybody since I usually miss all of the fun when I'm out of town on the weekends. The dancing reminded me that I'm human because I'm such a terrible salsa dancer and yet it was still so fun.

Tonight I saw Cornell West speak at Sac State. I've always been a fan of his work, but have never had the opportunity to hear him say the words that he writes. His love was so powerful that it was almost contagious. He reminded me that I am human only through my commitment to humanity.

Last night and tonight helped me remember how great it is to make time for the things that make us feel good.

2005-11-28T20:04:00.000-08:00

A New Season

I received my Fellowship placement on Wednesday. I'm in Senator Bowen's office, which is a good fit for me. Her staff is bright, witty and polite, and I look forward to working with/for them. I'm also nervous about starting a real job in a real office and...you know, being asked to do important work without screwing it up.

My life feels different in other ways, too. I spent most of Thanksgiving pondering a new holiday void that used to be filled by finals. I don't mind the change, but I'm very aware of it, and this weekend I think I finally grasped the size and importance of this very new chapter in my life.

Aside from my self reflection and other general day dreaming, I spent Thanksgiving with family and friends. It was nice to see so many good people at once. I know a table of 13 is still small by some standards, but it was the biggest holiday gathering I've ever attended. Devin made a giant Tofurkey to share with the group, but I was the only vegan/vegetarian in the crowd. It looks like I'll be eating furkey leftovers for weeks.

Devin and I spent Friday with my mom and my step-dad and left in the evening for Yosemite. The valley is in between seasons. The meadows have turned golden and there are small patches of snow on the ground. It was beautiful. It was also (literally) freezing. We spent Saturday hiking, and Saturday night trying to sleep in a tent in twenty degree Fahrenheit cold. My left eye kept swelling shut and the cold made my lips so swollen that it looked like I had cheap collagen injections. Devin did a good job of keeping me warm and was a pretty good sport about the weather, but I think he was cold too. Our Saturday hike was strenuous and it got much colder as we climbed up out of the valley, but the view from the top was breathtaking and made it well worth losing the feeling in my frozen hands.

I'm back in Sacramento now, and weather here is cold too. The change was pretty drastic. It had been hot when I left and now it's dark and wet. Watching the seasons change is fitting since I feel like I am changing. How convenient that the weather is a good narrative for my own life. It makes me feel like the center of the universe. What a ridiculous ego!! At any rate, I look forward to getting started in my office on Thursday and to enjoying my first Christmas season free from finals.

2005-11-23T00:53:00.000-08:00

Senate Fellows

Well, half of us, at the top of the cupola. The ascent was pretty frightening, involving a metal spiral stair case that shook under our weight, but the view was completely worth it. The big guy in the center is Jody, and I am told that he knows everything about the Senate.

2005-11-23T00:14:00.000-08:00

Writing, Waiting

So the academic component of the Fellowship is no joke. If I didn't believe before, last night changed my mind. I spent all of it writing a lengthy paper about media coverage of Proposition 77. Either I'm getting old or I just forgot how painful it is to stay up all night. I'm still recovering from chowing down the requisite pint of soy ice cream that I always need to make it until dawn.

I find out tomorrow what Senate office I'll work in for the rest of the year. I felt pretty great after my placement interviews. I realized that there are a lot of smart staffers in this building, and there are many people who I would feel privileged to work with. I turned in a list of top office picks that had as much to do with my interest in a Senator's staff as it did my preference for the Senator.

Now I'm really nervous about where I get placed because apparently my entire identity as a human being revolves around who I work for. Not really, but it's like picking a team, and it sure seems like there are more than a few Democratic Senators that other Democrats don't like. Oh well. I'm the only person that actually has to live with my placement.

2005-10-25T21:33:00.000-07:00

Here I am...

In Sacramento. I'm busy learning (again) about how a bill becomes a law and finding a new grocery store. I lost my cell phone charger in the move, and my laptop is at the shop all week, so all of the people in my social world are new. I guess it's like going away to college, as a grown-up, in a blazer and heels.

I know that news is still coming from the rest of the world, but I'm missing it. Well I'm not really missing it, I'm just too obsessed with my own adjustment to have any thoughts about anything else. Oh, and I'm too exhausted to say anything about all of the other stuff that's really more important than me. Rosa Parks died today, Dick Cheney was implicated in the leak of a CIA agent's identity, and polls show that Hillary might have a shot at the Presidency. My response? Here I am in Sacramento. Oh, and the walls and ceilings of the Senate and Assembly floors look like frosting on a wedding cake.

2005-10-19T14:01:00.000-07:00

Speaking of Birth Control

It looks like an Arkansas woman could have benefited from better birth control education. A good start would have been to tell her that it exists.

Being pro-choice and all, I would never condescend to tell another woman what she should do with her body, but I can't help it if my own body aches in sympathy pain for her.

And it's a relief to know that someone else is as startled by this as I am.

2005-10-18T15:43:00.000-07:00

Choice(s)

Want to help protect women's bodies? Stop talking about abortion. An argument in favor of a woman's personal right to choose an abortion isn't really going to trump an argument about preventing murder. Switch the topic to birth control, and it's easy to prove that the real sentiment behind anti-choice rhetoric has more to do with controlling women than it does supporting life.

Yesterday, Susan Wood reminded the nation that the same people who are trying to outlaw abortion are also engaged in campaign to cut women's access to birth control.

The former top women's health official at the FDA said Monday that she believes the agency's refusal to approve over-the-counter sales of a morning-after contraception pill was on orders from above.

I don't think FDA was acting independently,' said Susan Wood, who resigned in August after the Food and Drug Administration issued its decision on the contraceptive, called Plan B.
Hers is a serious charge for an agency that was chartered to base its decisions on science, not politics. Both an independent advisory committee and the agency's scientific staff had recommended Plan B as safe for over-the-counter sales.

Plan B is opposed by religious conservatives who say it will promote promiscuity, particularly in young people. It uses a large dose of a common birth-control drug that can prevent conception up to 72 hours after unprotected sex. It is not an abortion pill.

Last time I checked, educating women about contraception and providing them with access to affordable methods of birth control were still the most effective ways to reduce unintended pregnancies and abortions. Yet so many pro-lifers are opposed to birth control, too. Tsk. Tsk. Where are there priorities?

If I thought abortion was a heinous crime, I'd be all over increasing access to anything that lowers abortion rates. They aren't because this isn't really about life, or about protecting it. Besides supporting access to birth control, a real 'pro-lifer' would fight for well-funded social programs that help women feel less alone with the responsibility of parenting. If single motherhood were less difficult and less scary, some women might feel like an abortion is less necessary. Instead, many anti-choice leaders are the same people who promote a derogatory image of single mothers and who want to cut social programs that support pregnant women and children.

If we put all three things together, it looks like anti-choice leaders are more interested in sticking it to women that they are concerned about supporting life. It's something like: "no birth control, no abortion, and no help caring for your baby." The other tragic possibility is: "no birth control, no abortion, and no help dealing with the life-threatening consequences of a botched back-alley abortion." Either way, this is looks like an assault on women. And that's exactly what it is.

If we center anti-choice ideas within the context of all of the choices that 'lifers want to deny women, then they have to deal with being called the bad guys. Which means that they begin the debate with the disadvantage.

So let's stop talking about abortion. Let's go on the offensive, talk about choices, and shape a conversation that we can win.

2005-10-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

Lost and Found

Our last few days in China were a blur. We flew from Yichang back to Beijing on Tuesday night and spent the next two days exploring Beijing. We spent our last day at the Great Wall.

It was in Yichang that we last spoke with Chinese nationals who weren't trying to close a sale. While resting in a park near the Yangtze, we were approached by two men who spoke English. Their language was rough, but Yichang is rarely frequented by Westerners, and I was impressed that they had learned so much with so few native English speakers to practice with. We talked about God, we talked about organized religion, we talked about quality of life and the hours most people work. We talked about family and about the real buying power of Chinese and American paychecks. We talked about Capitalism and American politics. My new Chinese friends even asked about what I thought of the Chinese government. I carefully explained that my guide book warned me against talking to Chinese people about their government because such a conversation might get them into trouble. They laughed and changed the subject.

We spent nearly two hours talking in the park. Most of the time we were surrounded by crowds of Chinese people who couldn't understand us. Even so, they were curious. Occassionally the crowd would disperse and a new crowd would appear. Just as we had for the past week, we were learning about a new part of the world by living an afternoon there. I even learned a few more Mandarin words.

Returning to Beijing was a shock. Our time was mostly spent shopping and bar-hopping in the upscale touristy districts that we had missed two weeks earlier. At shopping markets and expensive lakeside night spots we were targeted by every Chinese person who could say "hello." The shopping was great. Prices were low and there were so many exciting mementos to choose from. Learning to bargain is an important part of learning life in China and I'm glad that I had a chance to try it, but our rapid-fire consumerism felt sadly familiar. It was in Beijing that the curious solitude of traveling in a foreign country began to melt away.

On our last day in China we made the four-hour trek from Beijing to the Great Wall. Hands down, this was the most breathtaking sight of our tour. The wall itself is settled proudly along the top of a mountain range. It separates the lush green of China and the golden rolling hills of inner Mongolia. We had plenty of experiences to rival seeing this wonder, but the Great Wall produced the best views and the best photos on our trip. Kodak moment? You bet it was.

We tried to venture off the beaten path and visit the Simatai section of the wall. Unlike the section which is nearest to Beijing, the Simatai section hasn't been restored and still stands in its ancient form. This section of the wall was still pretty touristy. When they are not needed on their farms, Chinese women earn extra money by escorting tourists along the Great Wall. They start following Westerners, refuse to go away, and guilt people into buying expensive souvenirs after assisting them across kilometers of the wall. Needless to say, Devin and I were not overlooked. Perhaps because we were the only Americans amongst many Europeans along the Great Wall, we actually ended up with two women guiding our trip.

The wall follows the peaks and rivets of the top of a mountain range, so traveling the wall involves a lot of climbing up and down. We were lead off of the wall by our guides who promised to show us a short-cut through the Chinese country side. They delivered. The walk through the country side was so interesting. I met skinny, wizened farmers and was allowed to pet their livestock. We returned to the Great Wall 17 towers ahead and well in time to catch our bus back. We were duly ripped off shortly before climbing back onto the wall. Our guides made us feel so badly about 'leading' them on a long hike that we paid 100 Yuan for a book and a T-Shirt. They need the money, and we were greatful for the shortcut, so I have no hard feelings. It's just hard to eventually say no after already buying several expensive things from poor people.

We climbed the last few towers in our tour and ziplined down the side of the mountain away from the Great Wall. Yes ziplined. As in, I flew by the seat of my pants down a cord several hundred feet in the air. Devin flew with me, so at least I wasn't alone.

We rode our bus back to Beijing and returned that evening to a shopping center to pick up suits and dresses from our tailor. We were targetted even harder to buy and spend. We rose early the next morning to visit the Beijing antique market. The goods were beautiful. Even more English speakers wrangled with us to buy and spend. A man actually grabbed me and tried to keep me from walking away from his booth. At noon, we boarded a twelve hour flight to San Francisco and arrived in the city at 8am on the same Saturday that began in Beijing 16 hours earlier.

As we moved into the English-speaking crowd I was overwhelmed by nearby conversations that I could understand. My cell phone signal picked up and I had messages to check. The steady whir of a familiar world filled my mind. Yet everything seemed less urgent than it had before I left.

Yesterday I washed my crummy old car and imagined what it would be like to have a new one. I won't for a while because I blew the money on China. But I didn't really blow it. A new car payment would strengthen the ties that hold me to the swarm of uneccesary obligations that buzz in my head. Get thin, find a showy job, make more money, buy a new car. Insyead, I spent some money on getting lost and I remembered to spend time finding myself.

In China, I remembered that the world is an awesome place, and I learned that no part of it is ever really out of reach. I always have options. So many of us do. I am so wonderfully and incredibly privileged. So many of us are. I've built my world as it is, and each of the decisions that I have made are important reflections of what I want. If they aren't, there is always room to begin a new path in life. And as long as I can go without a new car, the rest of the world and every opportunity it offers are never far away.

Photos, Photos, Photos!!

Everything you never wanted to read about but sorta wanted to see.
For the bored and the curious; the quicker versions of my thousand words.

2005-10-03T19:19:00.000-07:00

Yangtse River,

Our Yangtse River tour was a great way to avoid the crowds during National Holiday. We left Chengdu at 6am on Friday morning. This was the big first day of the Holiday and transportation was already too crowded for English speakers to navigate on our own. The van that departed from our hostile took us to a bus-lined alley where we sat for nearly two ours with fellow Westerners while our ticket agent argued with scalpers and bus drivers until he was able to place us on a bus to Chongqing, where our cruise boat was docked.

The cruise was full and we were relieved that we payed the extra 500 yuen (about 65 dollars U.S.) to travel first class. This didn't buy us a lot of luxury but it meant that Devin and I had our own tiny room and didn't have to share an equally tiny room with four other people on a three night cruise. Having our own mini bathroom meant that we could finally wash the ultra dirty laundry that we had worn for a full two days during our sweaty climb up Mt. Emei. (You thought I would leave that kind of detail out, didn't you?).

The cruise stops were cute but super-touristy and the souveniers cost twice as much as they would anywhere else. We visited a "ghost-town" in Fengdu. The town on one side of the river has been evacuated and residents have been relocated across the river in new government apartments built on higher land. When the Three Gorges Dam is complete, the old Fengdu will be completely flooded. While we were there workers were tearing down remaining buldings and destroying gas and power lines so that the old city won't pollute the new river too badly. In the afternoon, we visited an ancient 12 story Taoist pagoda that was built into a cliff. I paid my respects to the Jade Empress just because I was happy to find a supreme god who is a woman.

On day two we entered the first of the Three Gorges. It was pretty magnificent, but it was also 5am, still dark out and freezing at the front of the boat so we didn't stay out long. Later that day we took a ferry through the mini Three Gorges and small wooden rafts through the mini mini Three Gorges. The real Three Gorges span 200 kilometers and are difficult to appreciate because they take 18 hours to travel through. The smaller sets of gorges were absolutely breathtaking. Traveling on a raft through a narrow river outlet with mossy cliffs and waterfalls overhead will be a lifelong memory for me.

Later in our second afternoon we visited a museum/shrine dedicated to Qu Yuan, a B.C. era warrior-poet who is a hero to the region. To celebrate Qu Yuan's life, we raced dragon boats across the Yangtse. This was not fun. All of the Westerners got into one little boat designed to float when filled with smaller Chinese people. Our big Westerner boat was riding pretty low in the water. The English tour of the shrine had taken longer and the Westerners left late, so we didn't even have other boats out there to race. Most of the people on our team also didn't want to row. The experience added up to a few people straining to paddle big Western tourists across a river in a boat that looked like it might sink, with our Chinese boat master yelling at us to "row! row!" I am sure that more than a few Chinese tourists were standing on the dock laughing at us. I can't blame them. If I had been on the dock, I would have been laughing at us too.

We passed through the second of the Three Gorges in the afternoon, and the third in the middle of the night. They were as amazing as they look in photos. We spent much of the afternoon and early evening watching for signs that mark the final height of the Yangste when the Three Gorges Dam is finished. It looks like many river cities will be moderately affected, and many peasant farmers are going to lose everything. People displaced by the water are supposed to receive between 2,000 and 4,000 Yuen. This is pretty fair and well over a year's earnings for most Chinese people. I hope it actually happens. Right now, between 60 and 600 million U.S. dollars earmarked for relocating people along the banks of the Yangtse have disappeared. This money was last accounted for with some very corrupt party officials.

We passed through the locks in the Three Gorges Dam in the middle of the night and were kicked off of our boat at 6am.

Devin and I are here at an internet cafe in Yichang. Our flight departs for Beijing at 9pm, so we have some time to spend here. Our Lonely Planet guide makes it clear that there are no must-sees in Yichang aside from the construction of the biggest Dam in the world. So, it looks like this afternoon we'll take a break from tourism and I'll have a chance to practice my Chinese over a Pi-Jou (beer).

2005-10-03T18:40:00.000-07:00

Chongqing, take two

On Saturday, we left Chongqing for a cruise down the Yangtse River. I posted a pretty harsh impression of Chongqing before I left. Since then I've learned a little bit more about Chongqing and have a fuller perspective on why the city wasn't as fancy as Beijing or Chengdu.

Chongqing is a major Chinese industrial center built on the hills overlooking the intersection of two major Chinese rivers. It is one of the oldest major cities in China and has housed millions of refugees and been the center of fighting during China's war with Japan and Kuomintang's anti-communist wartime capital during the same period. The population in the city and surrounding metropolitan area is over 320 million and many consider Chongqing to be China's largest city.

Explaining Chongqing culture by comparing it to the flavor of a Western city is a pretty strained description, since the city is far enough up the river that few foreigners have visited or impacted Chongqing over it's long history. I'm still going to try. People there reminded me of working Americans who live in rust belt cities. They are straight foward, hard and tired. The big difference between Chongqing and, say, Detroit is that Chongqing is still growing. City leaders expect big things to happen in Chongqing after the completion of the Three Gorges Dam. Cheap electricity is supposed to boost production in te city. I hope it works. The big risk is that the dam will slow the current in already filthy Yangtse. (Fast currents keep rivers clean.) If this happens, Chongqing will hover over the one of the biggest cespools in the world.

That's Chongqing. I think I've given it a fairer wrap or at least made up for ripping on it previously, so I think I can move on.

2005-10-03T18:09:00.000-07:00

When in China

Chinese cities are crowded and city residents aren't shy about shoving their way through a crowd. I had been dealing with the pushing pretty well by reminding myself that ruthlessly elbowing past a fellow pedestrian isn't in poor manners here. I lost my cool when a woman actually tried to shove me down a flight of stairs. Now I'm pushing back. I don't seem to be insulting anyone by doing it and now that I'm willing to throw a few elbow blocks I can get through a crowd without getting trampled. This would be fine if I weren't worried that I'm developing the pedestrian version of road rage.

I caught bad driving manners while living in L.A. Two years later I'm still not fully cured and I often feel like a real jerk amongst relatively mellow Bay Area drivers. I hope that two weeks of shoving won't cause as much damage as four years of nasty traffic. The last thing I need is to return to the States and begin a new job with the habit of pushing people out of my way.

2005-10-01T01:16:00.000-07:00

Chongqing

After a five hour bus ride we've arrived in Chongqing, where we'll depart this evening on a cruise down the Yangtze river. Chongqing is the third major Chinese city we've visited, and I am beginning to notice some differences between the three cities. Of course, my experience as a foreign tourist in Beijing or Chongqing may not tell me much about what city residents are really like. But even as a tourist I observe some life in each city as it is really lived, and it feels like there is some connection between the culture of each city and the way that residents treat an outsider.

In Beijing I was somewhat of a novelty item. Chinese tourists wanted my photo and sophisticated Beijingers were almost insulted that I didn't say hello in English. In Chengdu people were less wealthy but often friendly and curious. Each city is full of people and each skyline is full of communist era dirty concrete apartment buildings and new high rises under construction, but Chongqing is poorer and meaner than Beijing or Chengdu. As our bus pulled into Chonqing this afternoon we passed blocks of shacks built from bamboo mats and cheap plywood. Very few people here look wealthy and far fewer people are interested in helping confused Westerners. Very few services cater to Western tourists and the few sales people who have approached us are mocking and aggressive. In Chongqing, it's difficult to tell if some tall buildings are actively under construction, if the project has been abandoned, or if they are being torn down. Chongqing's poverty lends the city an odd charm. Dilapidated buildings cover the city's rolling hills and trees line ancient streets. This tired city looks almost organic--as if it came out of the ground and will crumble back into it.

The trip from Beijing to Chonqing had been amazing. We spent the past several days in the Sichuan region of the country, with Chengdu as our nome base. On day one we visited a Panda breeding facility, where I actually held a panda cub. This cub was one big boy. He weighed about one hundred pounds. As massive as he was, he was as soft and gentle and fussy as any baby. Even the adult Pandas were incredibly gentle.

We left the reserve and had lunch at a Buddhist temple in Chengdu. Think big Budha, think classic temple, and you can guess what it looked like. It was great to enjoy some fantastic vegetarian food at a place that doesn't serve anything else.

We left the next morning for Mt Emei. Mt Emei is the tallest Buddhist holy mountain in China and stands about 3,000 meters high. Religious pilgrims climb the mountain to worship in the temple at the peak. I don't know why we climbed the mountain. Perhaps we have an appetite for pain. The difficulty of the climb was what made the experience so humbling and amazing. Buddhists have carved stairs all of the way up the mountain, and the ascent is about twenty one kilometers. Monkeys cover the path and have mastered the art of piracy. We were stopped more than once by a fifty-pound menace with bared teeth who expected us to hand over whatever we had in our pack. The babies were cute and oh-so-much fun to feed. But babies attracted big brothers who were seriously frightening.

We finished 15 kilometers in the first day of our climb and spent the night at a lower temple. Life in the temple was not what I had expected. The monks there were not particularly pious. The monk who checked us into our room was a social butterfly who stopped to chat with every person in the monastary before finally leading us to our bed. I suppose this is less of a shock than the monks in Chengdu who had cell phones. We finised the final five kilometers of the climb on the second day and travled back down the mountain.

My time's up. I'm off to sail down the Yangtze. More to come...

2005-09-30T15:22:00.000-07:00

Emei Shan Mountain

This is the first time I've been able to post in the past five days. Apparently, some computers block posting websites and others don't.

We left Beijing on Monday and traveled to Chengdu via train. The ride took about 30 hours. There are four classes of travel on trains in China. We traveled second class, which means that our tickets granted us a hard sleeper in a cabin where sleepers are stacked three high and 66 hard cots are jammed into one car. Fourth class travelers sit on hard chairs next to cargo for the entire ride. I can't complain. We met a few Chinese people who spoke a bit of English and taught me more Chinese. Nothing is more fun than meeting people who live a life entirely different than my own. The ride provided some breathtaking views of the countryside; it also provided a first hand look at the grating rural poverty that still defines the lives of so many Chinese farmers.

Chengdu is another bustling Chinese city. I can't figure out whether the population here is 13 or 4 million. Either way it's big, it's busy, and the traffic is crazy.

We left the next day to climb Emei Shan mountain. My time's up. More to come...

2005-09-25T17:01:00.000-07:00

Censored Material

I found out yesterday that Chinese censors prohibit people from reading blogs. You can read this, but once I post it I can't. I wonder why people in China are allowed to post to blogs but not read them.

Train tickets were sold out for yesterday's train to Chengdu, so we leave tonight. We spent Sunday playing tourist in Beijing. The Imperial Palace (commonly known as the Forbidden City) and Tien Amen Square took most of the day to explore. We missed Mao's mausoleum, but we're going back. There is no way I am going to miss meeting a guy who chose to be pickled.

The square, the mausoleum, the Imperial palace, and the building that houses the people's congress are together in one big park of national monuments. In some ways, they reminded me of American national monuments. Each building, sculpture, open space and decorative soldier reinforced the memory of a national dream. Chinese monuments are a bit more obvious, and the written propaganda is pretty chintzy. A giant red sign currently posted above Tien Amen square calls on citizens to "promote the scientific friendliness of the party, and create a more harmonious people's China." The Forbidden City is genuinely big enough to be called a city. One wing of the city was constructed to keep each of the emperor’s thousand-plus concubines in a small palace of their own.

In the early evening, we left the Imperial Palace for Wang Fu Jin, the biggest, ritziest mall in Beijing. There are a concrete differences between Chinese and Western culture, and I can’t buy the argument that globalization is a pervasive phenomenon that explains why people everywhere do everything. Still, globalization may explain why people with people with decent disposable incomes want to buy things. American brand anything is an impressive luxury. Barbie is a hot commodity (slightly altered eyes make her ‘Chinese,’ but there is no meaningful deviation from a skinny white standard of beauty.) Drug-store brand make up like L’Oreal is sold at expensive department store counters like Lancome is sold in the states. McDonald’s is a nice restaurant decorated with swanky modern furniture. Chinese consumers can enjoy knock-offs of McDonald’s, with three golden arches, knock-offs of Kentucky Fried Chicken, with a Chinese guy in the Colonel’s bow-tie, and two brands of imitation Nike, one with the swoosh backwards, and one with it upside down.

The mall is surrounded by blocks of open air food stands and merchants selling trinkets, all packed into small lanes that are only accessible on foot. The food includes such delicacies as sea urchins, centipedes, and live scorpions still writhing on their sish-ka-bob skewers. I thought that every street was unbelievably crowded. Jin said that it was a nice, slow day. The square and the palace are must-sees for anyone visiting Beijing, but they are pretty obvious tourist traps for Chinese citizens and foreigners alike. The outdoor mall was great, also well worth visiting, but both destinations left me with that same feeling of exhaustion that comes from walking around a tourist museum all day long.

Between Tien Amen Square, the Imperial Palace, and Wang Fu Jin, we spent some time just wandering the city. A number of my first impressions were pretty off. There are homeless people in Beijing. They are visibly few in number by major U.S. city standards, and each person that I saw was seriously maimed or disabled. The homeless beggars don’t own wheelchairs; they drag themselves where they are going, which can’t ever be far. Wheelchairs wouldn’t help. Nothing in Beijing is accessible. There is poverty in Beijing, but it isn’t in the high-rise soviet era apartment buildings that house most of the city. In the center of Beijing, long drooping mazes of one-story buildings are a grim reminder that Chinese poverty is of a rural character. These complexes are blocks deep, and are surrounded by crumbling walls with one or two entrances spaced every hundred meters. I tried to enter one, but the tiny passageways, the heaps of salvaged trash and a noxious odor triggered my sense of personal danger. We snapped a photo and got out of there. In the photo, the complex looks quaint and charming. I wonder how many quaint and charming photos hide

Even in the tourist spots, it was pretty tough to get around without speaking Chinese. We still had Jin to bail us out of a few difficult situations. We leave today for Chengdu, which is still a large city, but it doesn’t cater to awkward Western tourists and we’re going without Jin. Cheers to an adventure.

2005-09-24T18:31:00.000-07:00

Bu chi rou
(don't eat meat)

The concept of vegetarian doesn't exist in China. Since the concept of vegetarian doesn't really exist outside of California, I'm used to people not understanding my dietary needs. Anywhere else I can usually explain that I don't eat meat and that fish and chicken are, in fact, meat. Even in other languages limited words and ridiculous gestures get the job done. No meat, no chicken, no fish. Yes, thank you, I'll just have the bread.

Dinner last night proved that finding vegetarian food in China isn't going to be as easy. I can't speak Chinese, which is an obvious problem, and I can't find anyone who speaks English. People also don't understand my gestures, which is really making it tough to get around. Apparently, pointing at oneself no longer means 'me.'

I had friends here to help me order food last night. But I'm leaving Beijing today, and my bilingual buddies aren't coming with me. I think my veggie options include hiding at a Budhist monestary for the next two weeks or getting by on a lot of rice. This is a bit of a dissapointment, since China is said to have great veggie food. Sigh...if only I knew how to order it.

Aside from the veggie challenge, my inability to communicate with people has been a bit of fun. Devin and I skipped the expensive cabs that American tourists take from the airport and opted for a public bus. We missed our stop, only to hit the streets of Beijing on foot and realize that we had been on the wrong bus. We found a cheap cab and a driver who knew where we were going, and wound up in the right neighborhood with no clue what building to enter. We were rescued by Jin's boyfriend Cameron. He doesn't know us, but found us wandering in an open street market after Jin had sent him to look for two lost Americans.

First impressions of Beijing: Bicycles, smoking, smoke-related spitting, and people are abundant. The best dressed people in town wear crisp government uniforms. People seem to have far less than in the U.S. (big suprise) but I have seen no poverty and no homelessness. Everything is dirty, and the air quality makes L.A. seem like a conservation paradise. Otherwise Beiling is much like what I expected: a major city in a big country, with noticeable similarities to any other big city in any other big country. In Beijing, I can buy Pizza Hut pizza and get eel as a topping.

Today, we're planning our trip to Chengdu, where we'll catch a cruise down the Yangtzee river. Plans may change if Jin's agent can't help us, but we need to get out of Beijing as soon as possible. National Holiday begins this Friday and lasts for a week. Which means that just about all of the14 million people in Beijing will be headed out of the city on vacations of their own. We're told that crowding may get bad enough to prevent us from leaving the city. So we'll visit other parts of the country now, let the people of Beijing celebrate the founding of China's communist government without us, and return when it isn't as crowded.

After managing the veggie food dilemma, my next challenge is connecting the digital camera to the computer without the cord that was left in California. I hope to start posting photos soon.

Right now, I'll leave you with the first lessons that a American needs to get by in China. Don't drink the water, don't eat the fruit, always choose the hotel upgrade, and beware of those who can speak English and are trying to sell you something. They're trying to rip you off.

2005-09-22T15:54:00.000-07:00

This isn't something that you should be reading. I mean it.

This little blog was never intended for my use, and my posting here is an accident. I blame this free blogging service. Forcing me to create a blog so that I have an identity when I post to other blogs is a cruel game that I can't win. I've spent the past month avoiding this dangerous little place, but alas, boredom has worn down my resistance.

Berkeley professor Bruce Cain tells each of his students that the most engaging years of our lives will be the few that we spent at Cal. My first nine to five summer makes me worry that he may be right. I miss the thoughtful conversation that makes college so great. I miss being asked to form an opinion about something bigger than me. I think I may even miss writing papers.

What you'll get here are opinions that I ought to keep to myself. This isn't a political blog or a feminist blog or a blog about anything specific. This is my attempt to keep talking, er, writing about anything that I find important or interesting. If you know me, you know you may find some weird stuff here. Or you may not find anything. I may never post again, and I promise that I will never check my spelling.

Don't read if you don't know me, because you may not like what I have to say. Or you may love it. I could be brilliant, and if you fail to check in every day, you may miss something that will change your world. Seriously folks, I don't expect readers, but the potential that someone may view this proves that I am not talking to myself. Comment if you feel like it, or comment because it will make my day. Comment because I miss you and it's been too long. Just comment, and always remember to be nice.

You know that saying. You know, the one I just invented.
You give a careful woman a blog, and she's going to have the sense to stay away from it.